I must admit, I haven't been particularly mindful as of late. I had false labor and went to the hospital on several occasions hoping it was baby time. I ended up making it to my induction date, and although I am pretty sure I was getting into early labor by that point, I did end up with a full induction. That was fine. It was successful, and I have a healthy baby boy, as expected!
Not everything has been easy and I haven't even been thinking about mindfulness much, but I did have some moments where I was accepting of things as they were. Here is my birth story for Baby Nick.
I stayed up all night on Thursday the 31st. I'd had an acupuncture appointment that day, and I was concerned I might go into labor early. Also, I was fairly nervous about my induction. I had some moments of panic when my mom didn't answer her phone at 4:30 when she'd asked me to call her, and I think I woke up everyone in her household, when it turned out she was already on her way to my house, or at least getting ready to go. She picked me up at 5 as planned, and we drove out to the hospital, and walked to labor and delivery.
Once in our assigned room, I got hooked up to the iv for fluids and antibiotics since I was positive for Group B Strep. I also signed all my paperwork and got all that taken care of, met some of the nurses, who change shifts at 7 a.m., and tried to relax. We also texted my husband to let him know what room we were in, and told him not to be in a huge hurry since the doctor hadn't even been in to see us yet. I think they also started me on pitocin. I think around 7:30 my doctor came and broke my water, and checked my cervix. I was finally at 4 cm which made her happy. She said not to wait until I was too uncomfortable to get my epidural because they would have to speed up my fluid intake and it would take about 45 minutes. I held out for awhile until I started getting somewhat uncomfortable, but none of it was like my labor with Max.
The epidural was relatively easy although I do get nervous and the numbing shot is painful. It worked quite well and I started dozing off. The doctor came in again in a little while and said I might have my baby by lunchtime, and she would come to the hospital whenever the nurses told her I was ready to start pushing. I could definitely feel pressure at some point and then it was time to start delivery. My husband arrived around 9:30 and hung out.
I guess I started the actual delivery around 11:30, and after a great deal of pushing (an hour and 20 minutes or so), and some drama at the end during which one of the nurses jumped up on the table and pushed down on my lower abdomen while my doctor rotated the baby to get him out, my son was born. They initially thought he'd fractured his clavicle, and I was quite calm during that, although concerned that he might be in pain. They wrapped him up in a blanket and let me hold him right away, and even let me nurse him a little bit before whisking him away to the nursery for his bath and stuff. I had to get stitched up thanks to yet another round of third degree tearing like I had with Max. This time I didn't feel a thing during my stitching up, although unfortunately my sister arrived during the stitching up and almost fainted. I am sorry she had to see all that. It was pretty bad from what the doctor described.
We found out later on in the day that Nick had not fractured his clavicle, just strained his arm or shoulder a bit during delivery due to awkward placement. Oh, and I had a sandwich in labor and delivery after Nick left to go to the nursery, and before I was sent to my hospital room. I had to get a catheter since I couldn't pee on my own, and then I was wheeled to my room. My dad and stepmother and Max were all there, as were my mom and my sister. My husband had stayed with me in labor and delivery.
At some point they wheeled in the baby from the nursery and everyone got to hold him. I kept him in the room with me for the most part, although during the night I did send him to the nursery a couple of times and they'd bring him in for feedings. He ended up having jaundice and had to stay an extra night in the hospital, but this time, unlike with Max, they had a place for us to stay so I could nurse him in the night, and they used a tube and syringe so I could supplement with formula while I nursed him, avoiding nipple confusion. He was cleared for going home on Monday. I somehow managed to put the infant car seat together with no buckles so my husband had to drive all the way back home and get a different car seat, and that was hugely inconvenient. We also had to get a bilibed to use at home because his bilirubin levels weren't going down quickly enough.
We spent the week taking Nick to the pediatrician's to have his levels checked, and on Thursday they were good enough that the doctor said we could take him off the table on Friday afternoon and not bring him back for level checking until Saturday. Nick lost a fair amount of weight despite the nursing, but on Saturday the doctor on call said his levels were good enough to stop table use, and we should spend the days until his 2 week check up to get his weight up.
The first week after birth was pretty difficult because of the bilibed, which limits holding and feeding time, and I was worried I might be getting post partum depression, but since he's been off the bed life has been much easier. I'm still pretty emotional but I think that is normal. I'm pretty much living in the now even if it's not really in a mindful way, just trying to get a nursing pattern established, enjoying my time reading, and working on getting time in with Max, which has been somewhat challenging since he is afraid of the baby crying. I think he's making some progress on that front but I'm not pressuring him into anything. He needs to figure it out on his own.
I will get back into meditating as I can, but right now it's as much as I can do to figure out when I can take a shower! I can barely go to the bathroom without Nick realizing I'm gone and fussing. I know this is a temporary thing and I am just going with the flow.
