I heard that the Pope says that 2013 is going to be a year of Faith. I like this idea. I want to make 2013 the year that I regain Faith in myself. I have been lacking this faith for a long time now. I used to be able to accomplish everything I set my mind to, and that hasn't been happening as much.
I also hope that 2013 will be a year in which I will have faith that everything will turn out the way it is supposed to be. I want to have faith that 2013 will be the best year yet for me.
I am going to have faith that I can accomplish all of my New Year's resolutions.
And I'm going to have faith that any little failures I might experience will not be indicative of an overall failure.
Monday, December 31, 2012
Sunday, December 30, 2012
Getting ready for 2013
So I started up a new blog to track my goals, so that I don't get this blog all bogged down with so much self-reflection. Also, I don't really want to make this blog about my own personal religious beliefs, since I think that anyone can practice mindfulness. I don't like it when people insert God into everything, because I think that for people who don't believe in God, it creates discomfort that can be a barrier which prevents getting everything possible out of something. I know that is the case for me, partly because I have a preconceived notion about what other people are thinking about when they talk about God. I think that a person's beliefs are very personal to them, and it's not my place to inject that into their lives, so I am going to keep quiet about religion. This post will be the only one where I even mention God I think.
In any event, I'm going to get back into more active posting on here, especially since I'd like to get the hard copy of my book out on Amazon very soon, as well as making the revised and expanded edition out on Kindle. Now that Nick is 6 months old, I have a lot more to say about mindfulness and the seven attitudes.
I also kind of like having an attitude to focus on each day, although I can't promise I'll be making a daily post in here!
In any event, I'm going to get back into more active posting on here, especially since I'd like to get the hard copy of my book out on Amazon very soon, as well as making the revised and expanded edition out on Kindle. Now that Nick is 6 months old, I have a lot more to say about mindfulness and the seven attitudes.
I also kind of like having an attitude to focus on each day, although I can't promise I'll be making a daily post in here!
Wednesday, December 12, 2012
I am doing great with Boot Camp. I feel like my entire attitude towards exercise has changed. I feel really good about myself in some ways, and not in others. If I had some sense of how to earn some money I'd feel great all around.
My arms are really sore. I'm not sure if it's from working out or something else. Nick is teething and has a cold and isn't sleeping well. I'm exhausted. I also baked bread today, and I haven't done that in years. And I sewed napkins last night.
I'm kind of excited about the holidays. I've got stuff to make candy and I'll be doing other baking things. And then Solstice dinner is next week, which will be great although a lot of work.
I'm slowly getting decorations up and that's good too. I got the pink and silver tree up and it looks so pretty!
A shower and tea and bed is all I have planned for the rest of the night.
My arms are really sore. I'm not sure if it's from working out or something else. Nick is teething and has a cold and isn't sleeping well. I'm exhausted. I also baked bread today, and I haven't done that in years. And I sewed napkins last night.
I'm kind of excited about the holidays. I've got stuff to make candy and I'll be doing other baking things. And then Solstice dinner is next week, which will be great although a lot of work.
I'm slowly getting decorations up and that's good too. I got the pink and silver tree up and it looks so pretty!
A shower and tea and bed is all I have planned for the rest of the night.
Thursday, November 29, 2012
I have been slack about posting. I've been doing a lot it seems. I am really enjoying my No Excuses Boot Camp experience. I haven't really lost any weight yet but I'm exercising and enjoying it.
While I was pregnant with Nick I made some beet curry and I wasn't entirely sure how I felt about it, so I froze it. I went to the Sustainable Midlands Holiday Festival on Monday evening and Rosewood Market had a table there with these amazingly good beet patties. So I defrosted some of the beet curry and added some almond flour and attempted to make my own patties. I didn't really have the right consistency to make patties but it still tasted really good. I served it with lemon coucous salad (that is what they had at the festival), and some leftover celery remoulade that I'd made last night. Yum yum yum! Oh, I used the immersion blender to puree the curry. Now I don't know what recipe I used for the curry but it was really tasty so I'm kind of sorry about that.
What else has been going on? I've been doing some crafting and writing and thinking about things. I wish that my financial situation was coming together as nicely as the rest of my life seems to be. I know I am the only one who has the power to change that but it kind of sucks anyway. Not to be negative or anything. I'm going to work on that and succeed. I have a lot that I'm thankful for and I'm going to make this 40th year of my life the best yet.
While I was pregnant with Nick I made some beet curry and I wasn't entirely sure how I felt about it, so I froze it. I went to the Sustainable Midlands Holiday Festival on Monday evening and Rosewood Market had a table there with these amazingly good beet patties. So I defrosted some of the beet curry and added some almond flour and attempted to make my own patties. I didn't really have the right consistency to make patties but it still tasted really good. I served it with lemon coucous salad (that is what they had at the festival), and some leftover celery remoulade that I'd made last night. Yum yum yum! Oh, I used the immersion blender to puree the curry. Now I don't know what recipe I used for the curry but it was really tasty so I'm kind of sorry about that.
What else has been going on? I've been doing some crafting and writing and thinking about things. I wish that my financial situation was coming together as nicely as the rest of my life seems to be. I know I am the only one who has the power to change that but it kind of sucks anyway. Not to be negative or anything. I'm going to work on that and succeed. I have a lot that I'm thankful for and I'm going to make this 40th year of my life the best yet.
Tuesday, November 13, 2012
I am a really good cook. I made a pear pie that turned out really well on Sunday. Also I fixed spinach sauteed in garlic and oil, mashed potatoes, and tilapia.
I am trying to increase my milk supply because I think Nick is hungry all the time. I am discouraged that I get so little from pumping although it's my "bad" side and I know pumping isn't indicative of actually milk supply.
I got accepted as a Pay it Forward member of the No Excuses Boot Camp, which is super exciting to me. Eight weeks to develop good habits to promote health and energy! A lot of the philosophy seems so in line with mindfulness so I'm happy about that.
I am trying to remember that I don't have to do everything perfectly and it's okay that I started on a Tuesday.
Okay, Nick is waking up already. This does not bode well for my getting a good night's sleep. I'm so very frustrated by his not sleeping! He was doing so well and now it all sucks again.
I am trying to increase my milk supply because I think Nick is hungry all the time. I am discouraged that I get so little from pumping although it's my "bad" side and I know pumping isn't indicative of actually milk supply.
I got accepted as a Pay it Forward member of the No Excuses Boot Camp, which is super exciting to me. Eight weeks to develop good habits to promote health and energy! A lot of the philosophy seems so in line with mindfulness so I'm happy about that.
I am trying to remember that I don't have to do everything perfectly and it's okay that I started on a Tuesday.
Okay, Nick is waking up already. This does not bode well for my getting a good night's sleep. I'm so very frustrated by his not sleeping! He was doing so well and now it all sucks again.
Friday, November 9, 2012
I am late getting my novel out. I will be working on that but I haven't really been accomplishing much lately. I kind of feel like I'm treading water.
I did, however, fix a delicious meal tonight. It needed a green vegetable to go with it but I am really happy with it.
Italian Sausage and Mashed Rutabaga and Potato Casserole
1 lb Italian Sausage
1 Rutabaga
3 Yukon Gold Potatoes
8 oz sharp cheddar
1.5 T butter
3/4 c. heavy cream
Peel and cut rutabaga into chunks, and then cook in boiling water for 40 minutes. Meanwhile, peel and dice potatoes, and after the 40 minutes, add to rutabaga and boil for another 20 minutes. During that 20 minutes, cook the sausage. Preheat oven to 350 degrees. Drain potatoes and rutabaga, and put in casserole dish (I mashed mine right in that dish, adding the butter and the cream). Add cooked sausage and 1/2 the cheese and mix together. Top with remaining cheese and bake for 30 minutes, until top is browned.
I'm not really crazy about Italian sausage because of the fennel, but this dish was really good.
This week I also made an onion cheese tart, but it needs tweaking, and also a pear pie, which also didn't turn out quite right but I'm going to try a different recipe tomorrow. I think it just didn't cook long enough. The new recipe suggests using brown sugar instead of white and that sounds intriguing.
I decided to start swaddling Nick again because he was waking up too frequently. He's doing much better now.
I did, however, fix a delicious meal tonight. It needed a green vegetable to go with it but I am really happy with it.
Italian Sausage and Mashed Rutabaga and Potato Casserole
1 lb Italian Sausage
1 Rutabaga
3 Yukon Gold Potatoes
8 oz sharp cheddar
1.5 T butter
3/4 c. heavy cream
Peel and cut rutabaga into chunks, and then cook in boiling water for 40 minutes. Meanwhile, peel and dice potatoes, and after the 40 minutes, add to rutabaga and boil for another 20 minutes. During that 20 minutes, cook the sausage. Preheat oven to 350 degrees. Drain potatoes and rutabaga, and put in casserole dish (I mashed mine right in that dish, adding the butter and the cream). Add cooked sausage and 1/2 the cheese and mix together. Top with remaining cheese and bake for 30 minutes, until top is browned.
I'm not really crazy about Italian sausage because of the fennel, but this dish was really good.
This week I also made an onion cheese tart, but it needs tweaking, and also a pear pie, which also didn't turn out quite right but I'm going to try a different recipe tomorrow. I think it just didn't cook long enough. The new recipe suggests using brown sugar instead of white and that sounds intriguing.
I decided to start swaddling Nick again because he was waking up too frequently. He's doing much better now.
Monday, November 5, 2012
I have been neglectful of my blog, and also not very mindful lately. I will blame the election, ha ha. I will be really glad when it's all over, though.
I am busy working on fiction. I'm doing NaNoWriMo this month and I'm releasing the first part of my serial novel tomorrow, or possibly early Wednesday.
It is hard work having a baby and a 5 year old. I kind of lost it today because the baby WILL NOT SLEEP. He is soooo frustrating. He is really good but he is not sleeping and I need sleep. I am so tired and I also had a migraine last night so was not in the best place today.
I'm going to go to bed pretty soon and I'm going to be busy busy busy tomorrow. I want to not disappoint myself.
I am busy working on fiction. I'm doing NaNoWriMo this month and I'm releasing the first part of my serial novel tomorrow, or possibly early Wednesday.
It is hard work having a baby and a 5 year old. I kind of lost it today because the baby WILL NOT SLEEP. He is soooo frustrating. He is really good but he is not sleeping and I need sleep. I am so tired and I also had a migraine last night so was not in the best place today.
I'm going to go to bed pretty soon and I'm going to be busy busy busy tomorrow. I want to not disappoint myself.
Monday, September 3, 2012
Non-Judging
Once again I had a migraine. I hope this does not become a weekly trend. I tried to sleep a lot today and I did spend time with Max. We built Trio Hot Wheels set ups. And I spent a long time telling him what letters different words started with.
I finally managed to cook on Sunday, so have been eating good food. Before last night I don't think I'd had a decent meal since Thursday evening.
I am going to try to go to sleep early and I'm hoping Nick will sleep well. Last night he woke up at 2 and then at 4, but I didn't feed him at 4. I think he would have slept until 8 but Max came in at 7 and has some older brother energy that makes Nick wake up whenever he is around.
I finally managed to cook on Sunday, so have been eating good food. Before last night I don't think I'd had a decent meal since Thursday evening.
I am going to try to go to sleep early and I'm hoping Nick will sleep well. Last night he woke up at 2 and then at 4, but I didn't feed him at 4. I think he would have slept until 8 but Max came in at 7 and has some older brother energy that makes Nick wake up whenever he is around.
Monday, August 27, 2012
Non-judging
I had a migraine last night and woke up all wooly-headed, which is pretty much how I felt for the whole day. I did manage to get a nap, and write, and post my spiders on Etsy, and also finish two spiders and start on a third.
Baby Nick has been a sleep machine. I hope he doesn't wake up at 4 a.m. ready to start the day, but it's possible.
I'm not sure what to say about the daily attitude. I keep forgetting to look at it in the morning and think about it throughout the day. I will try to remember to do that in the morning. I am sure that I'll be able to think of some non-judging things that I've done today. I think that I'm working on this with Max. He may not pick up his toys the way I would do it, but that's okay.
Oh, that can be my non-judging story of the day:
This morning Max was eating his O's in the car and he spilled the cup of them in the backseat. I heard him say, "Hey! I spilled all of my O's!" and I told him I couldn't clean them up because I was driving. He said he would do it himself, and while he was trying to pick them up, a couple of them went under his car seat, and he said, "It's okay." This is real progress in his own non-judging because I think even a few weeks ago having his O's go under his car seat would have been horrible.
Baby Nick has been a sleep machine. I hope he doesn't wake up at 4 a.m. ready to start the day, but it's possible.
I'm not sure what to say about the daily attitude. I keep forgetting to look at it in the morning and think about it throughout the day. I will try to remember to do that in the morning. I am sure that I'll be able to think of some non-judging things that I've done today. I think that I'm working on this with Max. He may not pick up his toys the way I would do it, but that's okay.
Oh, that can be my non-judging story of the day:
This morning Max was eating his O's in the car and he spilled the cup of them in the backseat. I heard him say, "Hey! I spilled all of my O's!" and I told him I couldn't clean them up because I was driving. He said he would do it himself, and while he was trying to pick them up, a couple of them went under his car seat, and he said, "It's okay." This is real progress in his own non-judging because I think even a few weeks ago having his O's go under his car seat would have been horrible.
Saturday, August 25, 2012
I am wishing I could find time to meditate each day, in the mornings. I liked doing my seated meditation. However, I don't want to fall into the trap of saying that since I can't have things perfect, I'm not going to do them at all.
I think I need some more mindfulness practice in my life at the moment, although I am working on things while interacting with Max and Nick. Trust and Patience are the themes of the week, I believe.
It is finally nice here, sunny and actually cool this morning! It will heat up later on but it was nice to open the door and have it feel like fall. I hope we get some nice fall and winter weather this year. Last year we didn't really have winter at all.
I have a lot of things to accomplish this weekend, but I'm going to try to take it one step at a time and not get overwhelmed.
I think I need some more mindfulness practice in my life at the moment, although I am working on things while interacting with Max and Nick. Trust and Patience are the themes of the week, I believe.
It is finally nice here, sunny and actually cool this morning! It will heat up later on but it was nice to open the door and have it feel like fall. I hope we get some nice fall and winter weather this year. Last year we didn't really have winter at all.
I have a lot of things to accomplish this weekend, but I'm going to try to take it one step at a time and not get overwhelmed.
Thursday, August 16, 2012
Daily Attitude: Trust
Well, I am not going to go back to update for past days.
I am feeling a lack of trust in myself these days. At some level I trust that I know enough that I will do the right thing and that everything will turn out okay in the end, but sometimes I do not trust that I have made the right life choices. I suppose it's a bit late for that!
Most of the time I trust that I am a good mother. Most of the time I trust that I am a good writer. And that I'm talented in art.
Right now I'm falling behind on my crafting. I have good ideas but seem to be floundering on getting started on some of them. I would like to make little dolls and also crackers. I want to order the snaps for them but I think it will be okay to wait until next month to do that. Or if I sold something, it would be all right to order crackers. I don't really want to spend more money when I don't have any coming in.
I need to make lasagna but probably not tonight. I'll have to do it tomorrow though since I don't want the meat to spoil. It's going to be good and I hope that Max will eat some of it! He hasn't been eating a very well rounded diet these days.
It is my dad's birthday today. On Sunday he and my stepmother are coming for brunch.
I am feeling a lack of trust in myself these days. At some level I trust that I know enough that I will do the right thing and that everything will turn out okay in the end, but sometimes I do not trust that I have made the right life choices. I suppose it's a bit late for that!
Most of the time I trust that I am a good mother. Most of the time I trust that I am a good writer. And that I'm talented in art.
Right now I'm falling behind on my crafting. I have good ideas but seem to be floundering on getting started on some of them. I would like to make little dolls and also crackers. I want to order the snaps for them but I think it will be okay to wait until next month to do that. Or if I sold something, it would be all right to order crackers. I don't really want to spend more money when I don't have any coming in.
I need to make lasagna but probably not tonight. I'll have to do it tomorrow though since I don't want the meat to spoil. It's going to be good and I hope that Max will eat some of it! He hasn't been eating a very well rounded diet these days.
It is my dad's birthday today. On Sunday he and my stepmother are coming for brunch.
Monday, August 13, 2012
Daily Attitude: Non-Judging
I struggle with non-judging. It is easy for me to negatively judge myself. Or positively judge myself, for that matter. I don't tend to be neutral.
Today I accomplished a number of things. I baked strawberry chocolate chip bread. I thought I had some fresh strawberries but apparently not, so I had to use frozen. The bread is very good but it tastes a lot more like Entemann's chocolate chip bread than what I was expecting. It really has no strawberry flavor whatsoever.
I also made pasta salad. That is easy and I will eat it for lunch and whatever meal until it's gone.
I would like to bake real bread tomorrow but I'm not sure if I will or not. I will have to find the time.
I felt like I got more done today with both kids at home than I do when Max is at school, but I'm not sure why that would be.
I also gave Nick his first bath. He didn't seem very sure about it. He didn't hate it but he didn't love it either. He is still kind of small to fit in the baby tub I think. I took pictures and a bit of video.
Right now he's sleeping in the crib but he woke up a few minutes ago. I think that means it's time for me to turn out the light and go to sleep so that maybe he'll sleep better.
There is a roach in here. I have sprinkled cedar and peppermint oils all over the bed in hopes that the roach will keep away. It is one of those smaller red wood roaches, not a Palmetto bug. I still do not want it crawling around on me. And I am so tired that I keep seeing bugs out of the corner of my eye. I think that is another indication that I need to turn out the light and go to sleep!
Today I accomplished a number of things. I baked strawberry chocolate chip bread. I thought I had some fresh strawberries but apparently not, so I had to use frozen. The bread is very good but it tastes a lot more like Entemann's chocolate chip bread than what I was expecting. It really has no strawberry flavor whatsoever.
I also made pasta salad. That is easy and I will eat it for lunch and whatever meal until it's gone.
I would like to bake real bread tomorrow but I'm not sure if I will or not. I will have to find the time.
I felt like I got more done today with both kids at home than I do when Max is at school, but I'm not sure why that would be.
I also gave Nick his first bath. He didn't seem very sure about it. He didn't hate it but he didn't love it either. He is still kind of small to fit in the baby tub I think. I took pictures and a bit of video.
Right now he's sleeping in the crib but he woke up a few minutes ago. I think that means it's time for me to turn out the light and go to sleep so that maybe he'll sleep better.
There is a roach in here. I have sprinkled cedar and peppermint oils all over the bed in hopes that the roach will keep away. It is one of those smaller red wood roaches, not a Palmetto bug. I still do not want it crawling around on me. And I am so tired that I keep seeing bugs out of the corner of my eye. I think that is another indication that I need to turn out the light and go to sleep!
Daily Attitude for Sunday: Letting Go
Well, I'm not sure what to say about Sunday. I did some stuff I'd wanted to do, and I slept a lot because Nick and Max kept waking me up overnight. It seemed like every time I'd get to sleep one of them would wake me up.
I'm working on having Nick sleep in the crib. I suppose that is letting go in a way, since he's been sleeping next to me on the futon. I'm trying to have no expectations so I can be pleasantly surprised when he sleeps for long periods of time. It was so nice, though, when I actually got 6 hours of sleep in one stretch!
I have nothing else to say about Sunday.
I'm working on having Nick sleep in the crib. I suppose that is letting go in a way, since he's been sleeping next to me on the futon. I'm trying to have no expectations so I can be pleasantly surprised when he sleeps for long periods of time. It was so nice, though, when I actually got 6 hours of sleep in one stretch!
I have nothing else to say about Sunday.
Saturday, August 11, 2012
Daily Attitude: Acceptance
Hmm, what to say about acceptance? I have been accepting my tiredness and my lack of motivation today. I am feeling uninspired. However, I have gotten some stuff done so that's good.
My friend came over with her two sons and husband. The visit went very well. We accepted that Max was not going to want to share his wooden railway trains with her son, so we got out the Take and Play set for him.
Nick slept a lot today but not too much, I don't think. We had a lot of fun listening to the lullaby renditions of The Cure and Nine Inch Nails, as well as some regular NIN. He cooed and smiled and I took a ton of photos of him. Max is great with him in small doses. That is good enough for me right now.
Max and I are reading chapter books at night. We started the My Father's Dragon trilogy tonight, which Max's aunt gave him awhile ago. Max wanted to know how many chapters there were. The other books we have read, Mrs. Piggle Wiggle and Uncle Wiggily, have self-contained chapters, whereas this book is ongoing so we'll see what Max thinks.
Okay, although I took a nap today I think I'm kind of tired so maybe I'll try to go to sleep soon.
My friend came over with her two sons and husband. The visit went very well. We accepted that Max was not going to want to share his wooden railway trains with her son, so we got out the Take and Play set for him.
Nick slept a lot today but not too much, I don't think. We had a lot of fun listening to the lullaby renditions of The Cure and Nine Inch Nails, as well as some regular NIN. He cooed and smiled and I took a ton of photos of him. Max is great with him in small doses. That is good enough for me right now.
Max and I are reading chapter books at night. We started the My Father's Dragon trilogy tonight, which Max's aunt gave him awhile ago. Max wanted to know how many chapters there were. The other books we have read, Mrs. Piggle Wiggle and Uncle Wiggily, have self-contained chapters, whereas this book is ongoing so we'll see what Max thinks.
Okay, although I took a nap today I think I'm kind of tired so maybe I'll try to go to sleep soon.
Daily Attitude for Friday: Non-Striving
Well, I seem to have succeeded at non-striving, since I didn't even manage to get my entry posted on time! :P
I had a nice Friday, and had dinner with friends which was nice. We went to my favorite barbecue place, and I had one of those coupon thingies from LivingSocial so my oldest friend at for free. Nick was a total charmer as usual. Lots of people asked about him. I mean, all babies are cute but Nick is really really cute.
He's sleeping in his crib at the moment but we'll see how that goes. Last night he slept for 7 hours, and didn't eat for at least 8. Then after the 7 he slept for another 3. That is why I'm trying him in his crib.
I don't know what to say for non-striving. I feel like it would be better for me to look at the attitude in the morning so I can keep an eye out for it throughout the day. Maybe I will try that for Sunday.
I had a nice Friday, and had dinner with friends which was nice. We went to my favorite barbecue place, and I had one of those coupon thingies from LivingSocial so my oldest friend at for free. Nick was a total charmer as usual. Lots of people asked about him. I mean, all babies are cute but Nick is really really cute.
He's sleeping in his crib at the moment but we'll see how that goes. Last night he slept for 7 hours, and didn't eat for at least 8. Then after the 7 he slept for another 3. That is why I'm trying him in his crib.
I don't know what to say for non-striving. I feel like it would be better for me to look at the attitude in the morning so I can keep an eye out for it throughout the day. Maybe I will try that for Sunday.
Thursday, August 9, 2012
Daily Attitude: Trust
Okay, I'm close enough to Thursday that I don't feel like I need to put "for Thursday" in the title. I also decided not to procrastinate and wait to update since I am still awake now and I might as well post.
I have issues with trust. I do not trust people online unless I know them fairly well. I do not feel like I'm out of line with not trusting people. I am usually nice to everyone, regardless of how well I trust them.
I also have issues with trusting myself, also justified I think. I have let myself down enough that I have trouble trusting myself. I am working on it, however, since if I do not trust myself I think it's inevitable that I won't be able to succeed since I won't trust myself to succeed.
I do usually have faith that things are going to work out in the end. I don't know why I have this expectation, but I do. So far I've been right, sort of. Even if things don't seem good at the time, usually things get better enough that I can see that it will be okay.
I suppose that is enough like "Things will be okay in the end. If they're not okay, it's not the end."
Okay, I am tired enough that I am seeing bugs so I think I'd better call it a night. (When I'm tired, I often think I see bugs or things moving in my peripheral vision.)
I have issues with trust. I do not trust people online unless I know them fairly well. I do not feel like I'm out of line with not trusting people. I am usually nice to everyone, regardless of how well I trust them.
I also have issues with trusting myself, also justified I think. I have let myself down enough that I have trouble trusting myself. I am working on it, however, since if I do not trust myself I think it's inevitable that I won't be able to succeed since I won't trust myself to succeed.
I do usually have faith that things are going to work out in the end. I don't know why I have this expectation, but I do. So far I've been right, sort of. Even if things don't seem good at the time, usually things get better enough that I can see that it will be okay.
I suppose that is enough like "Things will be okay in the end. If they're not okay, it's not the end."
Okay, I am tired enough that I am seeing bugs so I think I'd better call it a night. (When I'm tired, I often think I see bugs or things moving in my peripheral vision.)
Daily Attitude for Wednesday: Beginner's Mind
I am a bit behind on my posts. Perhaps it is too ambitious to be trying to post every day, but I would like to. I will make up my post for today tomorrow and then I hope to be back on track.
Yesterday I made a few things for dinner that I hadn't made before. Perhaps that counts for Beginner's Mind. I made creamed spinach and creamed diced potatoes. Also parmesan-crusted fish. It wasn't very crusted but it tasted good. The spinach and potatoes were good as well. We also had that peaches and cream Stilton from Trader Joe's, and that was excellent. Also red wine.
Still dealing with drama on Facebook. I hope it's over with now. I do not like feeling like somehow I am in the wrong for things. I do not post anything on Facebook except little stories about my kids, photos of the baby, and occasionally I will repost funny things, like right now I have a thing up where you replace one word in a movie title with "Bacon." That has given me endless amusement.
Sometimes I crack myself up. The Bacon thing is amusing, and then elsewhere someone posted an ad with Joan Crawford in it, and she's holding a little stuffed animal dog, so I commented, "no wire haired terriers EVER!" which was funny to me, particularly because the dog she's holding looks like a wire hair. Anyway, it's silly in translation but maybe one day I will want to remind myself of something I thought was funny.
Yesterday I made a few things for dinner that I hadn't made before. Perhaps that counts for Beginner's Mind. I made creamed spinach and creamed diced potatoes. Also parmesan-crusted fish. It wasn't very crusted but it tasted good. The spinach and potatoes were good as well. We also had that peaches and cream Stilton from Trader Joe's, and that was excellent. Also red wine.
Still dealing with drama on Facebook. I hope it's over with now. I do not like feeling like somehow I am in the wrong for things. I do not post anything on Facebook except little stories about my kids, photos of the baby, and occasionally I will repost funny things, like right now I have a thing up where you replace one word in a movie title with "Bacon." That has given me endless amusement.
Sometimes I crack myself up. The Bacon thing is amusing, and then elsewhere someone posted an ad with Joan Crawford in it, and she's holding a little stuffed animal dog, so I commented, "no wire haired terriers EVER!" which was funny to me, particularly because the dog she's holding looks like a wire hair. Anyway, it's silly in translation but maybe one day I will want to remind myself of something I thought was funny.
Wednesday, August 8, 2012
Daily Attitude for Tuesday: Patience
Apparently I am so patient I patiented myself into forgetting to update.
I have been dealing with some ridiculous online drama but I am hoping it is resolved.
Most of my other patience has been directed towards myself, and being patient with my lack of getting things done when I want them done, and of course my kids. However, both of them have been pretty good and not requiring a great deal of patience on my part.
I am, alas, impatient with my ice maker. It doesn't want to work right and automatically shuts itself off after each tray of ice it makes. I do not like this. I do not want to wait for it to work properly so I think I messed it up by pouring warm water over it to try to get it to move. I think the turny thing was frozen stuck and I needed to loosen it up. Now I think something else is wrong but at least it isn't flooding the freezer and fridge like it did one early morning a couple of weeks ago.
Later on when it's a reasonable hour I will post Wednesday's Daily Attitude, Beginner's Mind.
I have been dealing with some ridiculous online drama but I am hoping it is resolved.
Most of my other patience has been directed towards myself, and being patient with my lack of getting things done when I want them done, and of course my kids. However, both of them have been pretty good and not requiring a great deal of patience on my part.
I am, alas, impatient with my ice maker. It doesn't want to work right and automatically shuts itself off after each tray of ice it makes. I do not like this. I do not want to wait for it to work properly so I think I messed it up by pouring warm water over it to try to get it to move. I think the turny thing was frozen stuck and I needed to loosen it up. Now I think something else is wrong but at least it isn't flooding the freezer and fridge like it did one early morning a couple of weeks ago.
Later on when it's a reasonable hour I will post Wednesday's Daily Attitude, Beginner's Mind.
Monday, August 6, 2012
Daily Attitude: Non-Judging
I suppose it's good to start the week out non-judging, after excesses of the weekend, and also with an attempt to not judge Mondays, which everyone seems to hate. I don't really have a problem with Mondays but then, I'm not working outside of the home very much so it isn't surprising.
I had a lot of trouble going to sleep last night, and woke up on the late side.
I took a nap this afternoon during our thunderstorm. I am not sure how long I slept. The afternoon seemed to get away from me somehow but that is okay.
Nick and Max have both been great today. Nick is a lot more vocal these days, although I'm not really sure what he's saying. He certainly isn't interested in letting go, however. He fights falling asleep like no baby I've seen.
I think I need to re-evaluate my schedule. I would like to vacuum on Mondays but that doesn't seem to be happening. I like the idea of starting the week off with a nice clean house, so I suppose I could do all the cleaning stuff on Sunday.
I have a lot to do this week, but that is not unlike all weeks. I feel like keeping busy is good for me. I am not exactly where I want to be, but I am doing the best I can.
I had a lot of trouble going to sleep last night, and woke up on the late side.
I took a nap this afternoon during our thunderstorm. I am not sure how long I slept. The afternoon seemed to get away from me somehow but that is okay.
Nick and Max have both been great today. Nick is a lot more vocal these days, although I'm not really sure what he's saying. He certainly isn't interested in letting go, however. He fights falling asleep like no baby I've seen.
I think I need to re-evaluate my schedule. I would like to vacuum on Mondays but that doesn't seem to be happening. I like the idea of starting the week off with a nice clean house, so I suppose I could do all the cleaning stuff on Sunday.
I have a lot to do this week, but that is not unlike all weeks. I feel like keeping busy is good for me. I am not exactly where I want to be, but I am doing the best I can.
Sunday, August 5, 2012
Daily Attitude: Letting Go
My daily attitude wasn't much on my mind today. I haven't been frustrated with anything. Right now I have a headache, but I've taken something for it. I suppose I can work on letting go about being disappointed about not getting everything done on my list, although I still have time to work on things.
I am going to work on letting go of some negative feelings I have towards some people who are no longer in my life, at least not on a daily basis, and I can also work on letting go of worrying about money and not having a clean house and not pumping, which are all things that are on my mind. I am working on the money thing, and the clean house and pumping will come in time.
The house is loads better than it has been at some points, and the rest of it will get there. I'm not in the greatest mood at the moment, mostly because of this headache. But I can still be grateful for my two boys, who have both been very good today. I'm so happy to have given birth to them and to have them in my lives!
I am going to work on letting go of some negative feelings I have towards some people who are no longer in my life, at least not on a daily basis, and I can also work on letting go of worrying about money and not having a clean house and not pumping, which are all things that are on my mind. I am working on the money thing, and the clean house and pumping will come in time.
The house is loads better than it has been at some points, and the rest of it will get there. I'm not in the greatest mood at the moment, mostly because of this headache. But I can still be grateful for my two boys, who have both been very good today. I'm so happy to have given birth to them and to have them in my lives!
Saturday, August 4, 2012
Daily Attitude: Acceptance
I've done pretty well with acceptance today. I haven't gotten all of the things done that I might have liked to, but that's okay. I will do some of them tomorrow. Other things may have to wait, but I've had a good and productive day. Now I'm exhausted and I'm going to get Nick all bundled up for bed, and then have a glass of wine and some ice cream.
Friday, August 3, 2012
Daily Attitude: Non-striving
Non-striving is a tricky attitude for me. I guess I was non-striving in the sense that although I have a list of things that I want to accomplish each day, I trusted that they would get done, and although there have been some obstacles, I have managed to do most of them. Although poor Nick has been quite fussy this afternoon and that has been hindering me from some of the things I need to do. But if he will go to sleep I'll be able to do them. If he doesn't go to sleep, well, they will go on tomorrow's list.
I am not going to beat myself up if I have to put some things off until tomorrow. I have accomplished a lot, and I'm proud of myself for that.
I'm enjoying doing these daily attitudes, and I think I'll keep it up.
In the meantime, I think Max is ready to go to bed so I will be reading to him. I think Nick is asleep but I am afraid to look because if I move him he's going to wake up, and he's face down lying across me.
I am not going to beat myself up if I have to put some things off until tomorrow. I have accomplished a lot, and I'm proud of myself for that.
I'm enjoying doing these daily attitudes, and I think I'll keep it up.
In the meantime, I think Max is ready to go to bed so I will be reading to him. I think Nick is asleep but I am afraid to look because if I move him he's going to wake up, and he's face down lying across me.
Thursday, August 2, 2012
Daily Attitude: Trust
I like to read my horoscope. Yesterday's horoscope was advising me to be distrustful of others. Today was telling me to start projects and trust that I'd be able to see them through to completion. I do have trouble with that. I tend to start lots of things and not finish them up. That makes me unhappy. I'm feeling okay about things today. I've been working on my Camp Nano project (which is actually a continuation of a novel I've already started, but I'm writing 50,000 more words on it). I've also been continuing with my 100 Days of Halloween listings on Etsy (please send me an email if you want a link to my shop!)
Right now I'm in the master bedroom, listening to the baby's womb sounds bear. He's asleep in the crib and I want to see if it's easier for him to sleep if I'm not in the room with him. I am not sure if I'll sleep in here or in the nursery, though. It's so much easier to just have to walk from the futon to his crib when he wakes up. Well, whatever I decide, I trust myself enough to know it will be the right choice. :)
Right now I'm in the master bedroom, listening to the baby's womb sounds bear. He's asleep in the crib and I want to see if it's easier for him to sleep if I'm not in the room with him. I am not sure if I'll sleep in here or in the nursery, though. It's so much easier to just have to walk from the futon to his crib when he wakes up. Well, whatever I decide, I trust myself enough to know it will be the right choice. :)
Wednesday, August 1, 2012
Daily Attitude: Beginner's Mind
Oh, Beginner's Mind...I am working on several things that are new to me, like designing a website. I have no idea how to get it to look right. I'm going to get help from someone I think.
I also made a lemon meringue pie today, and it was more like lemon meringue soup! The meringue turned out perfectly but my lemon curd base melted in the oven and was something of a fiasco even though I thought I had followed the instructions. Oh well.
I'm also working on getting Nick to sleep in his crib, but tonight we're not doing that because he wakes up too frequently and I want to get some rest!
I'm very sleepy and have a bit more writing to do. I'll be back with tomorrow's attitude tomorrow!
I also made a lemon meringue pie today, and it was more like lemon meringue soup! The meringue turned out perfectly but my lemon curd base melted in the oven and was something of a fiasco even though I thought I had followed the instructions. Oh well.
I'm also working on getting Nick to sleep in his crib, but tonight we're not doing that because he wakes up too frequently and I want to get some rest!
I'm very sleepy and have a bit more writing to do. I'll be back with tomorrow's attitude tomorrow!
Tuesday, July 31, 2012
Daily attitude: Patience
Today I spent less time online, I think, and I got a lot done. I think I did pretty well with patience, as well. Nick was a lot less complainy tonight, and he's in his crib right now. He may or may not go to sleep, but he's been a lot easier to deal with than yesterday.
Our power went out for a little while, and that makes me impatient but I didn't get upset about it and it came back on sooner than I was expecting.
I cleaned out my car today but I didn't do any actually cleaning of it. I vacuumed it out some, but the little hand-held vac doesn't cut it, and then there is soda on the ceiling from where a can exploded, and the windows need to be washed on the inside, and I'd like to do some fabric spot cleaning as well, but it looks a lot better than it did and I'm glad I finally cleaned it out.
My back is kind of sore now, but I'll be doing my yoga soon. I have to take advantage of time that I have when Nick lets me get it in, even if he wakes up before I'm completely finished. At least I am getting some of it done!
I made a bracelet tonight, and I found the other curtain tie-back hook thingy so that is good. I wish I knew where the other black velvet curtain was, and then I could work on them. Well, I'm sure it will turn up. My mom rearranged my office and it looks great, and I'll actually be able to sew and write and draw and craft in there.
Tomorrow is grocery day. I am going to make a list and I'm also going to see what there is in the freezer to use up so I can not spend quite so much money on food.
Our power went out for a little while, and that makes me impatient but I didn't get upset about it and it came back on sooner than I was expecting.
I cleaned out my car today but I didn't do any actually cleaning of it. I vacuumed it out some, but the little hand-held vac doesn't cut it, and then there is soda on the ceiling from where a can exploded, and the windows need to be washed on the inside, and I'd like to do some fabric spot cleaning as well, but it looks a lot better than it did and I'm glad I finally cleaned it out.
My back is kind of sore now, but I'll be doing my yoga soon. I have to take advantage of time that I have when Nick lets me get it in, even if he wakes up before I'm completely finished. At least I am getting some of it done!
I made a bracelet tonight, and I found the other curtain tie-back hook thingy so that is good. I wish I knew where the other black velvet curtain was, and then I could work on them. Well, I'm sure it will turn up. My mom rearranged my office and it looks great, and I'll actually be able to sew and write and draw and craft in there.
Tomorrow is grocery day. I am going to make a list and I'm also going to see what there is in the freezer to use up so I can not spend quite so much money on food.
Monday, July 30, 2012
Daily attitude: Non-judging
Oh dear, I suppose I am judging myself now to say that I have been kind of judgy today. It is all petty Facebook high-school type stuff. I haven't been overly hard on myself, just not particularly accepting of other people. However, I don't know if I'd really say it's judging in the mindfulness sense. Also, I know I'm not perfect and sometimes I do have trouble letting go of things. Also I'm experiencing some trust issues with the people involved in this. I know I sound very cryptic but I don't really think I want this blog to be a place where I talk about this kind of stuff.
I am trying to figure out what some advice I was given means. It was from a spiritual advisor type, and it made sense in a way but I don't really know how to process the information. It was indicating that some of the kinks in my road to success have to do with anger, but it doesn't really look like anger from the outside. I do kind of feel angry, and I don't know if it's an entitled kind of angry, or justified anger. And am I angry at myself or at others? Is it an impotent anger, or anger that can kindle productivity? I hope the latter. I do feel like I'm becoming more productive, but I am still not feeling completely settled within myself. I kind of feel tied up in knots and I don't really think that is super helpful.
Good things for today: I lost another half pound, which puts my total at 3 pounds since I started being conscious about wanting to get in better shape and doing yoga. I put a bookcase together for the nursery, and did laundry. I laughed pretty much, and had lunch with my mom and sister.
Okay, I am incredibly thirsty so I think it's time to get some water. I'm also going to do my yoga and then go to bed. Nick is asleep in his crib, after fighting sleep for a long time. I guess that shows that babies aren't really very mindful, since Nick just refuses to let go and go to sleep!
I am trying to figure out what some advice I was given means. It was from a spiritual advisor type, and it made sense in a way but I don't really know how to process the information. It was indicating that some of the kinks in my road to success have to do with anger, but it doesn't really look like anger from the outside. I do kind of feel angry, and I don't know if it's an entitled kind of angry, or justified anger. And am I angry at myself or at others? Is it an impotent anger, or anger that can kindle productivity? I hope the latter. I do feel like I'm becoming more productive, but I am still not feeling completely settled within myself. I kind of feel tied up in knots and I don't really think that is super helpful.
Good things for today: I lost another half pound, which puts my total at 3 pounds since I started being conscious about wanting to get in better shape and doing yoga. I put a bookcase together for the nursery, and did laundry. I laughed pretty much, and had lunch with my mom and sister.
Okay, I am incredibly thirsty so I think it's time to get some water. I'm also going to do my yoga and then go to bed. Nick is asleep in his crib, after fighting sleep for a long time. I guess that shows that babies aren't really very mindful, since Nick just refuses to let go and go to sleep!
Friday, July 27, 2012
Well the doctor said Baby Nick is perfect. He is very healthy and gained weight and grew a couple of inches. He had his shots and is wide awake! He should be sleeping but he will not go to sleep, which is mildly exasperating but I know he is not doing it on purpose. I will try to feed him and hope he falls asleep then. Right now he is in his crib and is cooing and occasionally yawning, but he will not go to sleep.
At least he has not run a fever at all today. He did not like it when I took his bandaids off but after a round of singing "Winnie the Pooh" he was all right.
I am tired, which is the only reason I care that he is not sleeping. I would like to go to bed but clearly that is not an option with a wide awake infant!
At least he has not run a fever at all today. He did not like it when I took his bandaids off but after a round of singing "Winnie the Pooh" he was all right.
I am tired, which is the only reason I care that he is not sleeping. I would like to go to bed but clearly that is not an option with a wide awake infant!
Wednesday, July 25, 2012
I think it's a trend...Baby Nick is sleeping on my shoulder yet again.
I am going to be boiling peanuts tomorrow, and I made my veggies from the share tonight. I still have a lot of fruit that needs attention but I'm going to make some jam and possibly some cobbler as well.
Tomorrow we're taking things to Goodwill.
I'm working on drinking more water but it isn't easy. I'm making some progress, however. And I did lose a pound so I suppose that was my reward.
On Friday Nick goes to the doctor for his two month checkup. And Max will be going on his field trip, which he missed today because no one checked him in when he got to school and therefore they didn't put him on the bus when it was time to go.
I think that starting next week I'm going to focus on one attitude each day and then maybe I will write about it. I feel like my mindfulness is getting away from me because I'm so busy just functioning on a day-to-day basis.
I am going to be boiling peanuts tomorrow, and I made my veggies from the share tonight. I still have a lot of fruit that needs attention but I'm going to make some jam and possibly some cobbler as well.
Tomorrow we're taking things to Goodwill.
I'm working on drinking more water but it isn't easy. I'm making some progress, however. And I did lose a pound so I suppose that was my reward.
On Friday Nick goes to the doctor for his two month checkup. And Max will be going on his field trip, which he missed today because no one checked him in when he got to school and therefore they didn't put him on the bus when it was time to go.
I think that starting next week I'm going to focus on one attitude each day and then maybe I will write about it. I feel like my mindfulness is getting away from me because I'm so busy just functioning on a day-to-day basis.
Monday, July 23, 2012
Today could be a heavy eating day, which isn't the greatest thing ever but I will manage. My sister wants to have lunch and we might go out to eat tonight as well. I'm going to be meeting with someone about my website for my novel (I hope!) and then I'm also hoping that my cousin will get to meet Baby Nick.
It is 100 days until Halloween, which is a good day to start new things for me. I like to start things on my birthday and around Halloween milestones.
I think I will start putting up new products on Etsy. I would like to have some good Halloweenie products for sale, and I have so many good ideas for that.
I am still working on book revisions, and I'm doing my yoga. I'm doing a different one at the moment so I don't get frustrated by my lack of flexibility. Also I'm trying to incorporate some meditation into my day, and the one yoga thing I'm doing has a meditation section in it already so that helps. Once I get baby Nick onto a schedule I'll be able to do my own seated meditation but that may take some time. He is so in the now for himself. Right now he is sleeping on my shoulder but if I put him down he will wake up, I'm sure.
It is 100 days until Halloween, which is a good day to start new things for me. I like to start things on my birthday and around Halloween milestones.
I think I will start putting up new products on Etsy. I would like to have some good Halloweenie products for sale, and I have so many good ideas for that.
I am still working on book revisions, and I'm doing my yoga. I'm doing a different one at the moment so I don't get frustrated by my lack of flexibility. Also I'm trying to incorporate some meditation into my day, and the one yoga thing I'm doing has a meditation section in it already so that helps. Once I get baby Nick onto a schedule I'll be able to do my own seated meditation but that may take some time. He is so in the now for himself. Right now he is sleeping on my shoulder but if I put him down he will wake up, I'm sure.
Saturday, July 21, 2012
Yesterday we had a little party at my mom's for Nick. It was a lot of fun. We also went to World Market earlier to get stuff.
I started doing my post partum yoga workout, which is good although hard. I think it will give me something to work towards, because I am not very flexible. However, I'm just going to do it every other day and do a different yoga workout on alternate days so I don't get discouraged. I like the intention at the beginning of the workout, and the pace is nice, but I don't see very many women being able to complete this workout six weeks post partum.
Max has had lot of fun with his Nana today. He may spend the night there tonight but if he doesn't, that's okay.
Nick is continuing with his constantly wanting to be held. I hear that I have another week of this, but it's difficult to be completely patient when I rarely have two arms to myself. He does well at night, but during the day it's another story. I love him dearly but I would like it if he were happy being put down for periods of time longer than two minutes.
I started doing my post partum yoga workout, which is good although hard. I think it will give me something to work towards, because I am not very flexible. However, I'm just going to do it every other day and do a different yoga workout on alternate days so I don't get discouraged. I like the intention at the beginning of the workout, and the pace is nice, but I don't see very many women being able to complete this workout six weeks post partum.
Max has had lot of fun with his Nana today. He may spend the night there tonight but if he doesn't, that's okay.
Nick is continuing with his constantly wanting to be held. I hear that I have another week of this, but it's difficult to be completely patient when I rarely have two arms to myself. He does well at night, but during the day it's another story. I love him dearly but I would like it if he were happy being put down for periods of time longer than two minutes.
Wednesday, July 18, 2012
I got the all clear from my doctor so tomorrow I'll be starting my postnatal yoga. I like to start things on the nineteenth of months, since it is always 'x months until my birthday.' So I'll be four months until my birthday, and I'd like to see what I can accomplish in that time. No pressure or anything, I just want to see what I can do if I focus.
I have a headache because I had no coffee this morning. I tried to take a nap this afternoon but Nick was having none of that. He is having a fussy time right now, but fussy for him isn't really all that fussy, I guess.
I have noticed that sometimes I feel like I'm fighting with Nick about nursing him. He wants to nurse almost constantly at times, and I know he's not really hungry. When I realize I'm resisting him, I do try to accept that he needs to nurse for some reason, but sometimes I want him to wait a little while because I am getting pretty sore!
I am really enjoying watching the relationship between Nick and Max unfold. It's going to be exciting when they are actually able to interact. Max was trying to play with Nick the other day. Nick spits his pacifier out, so Max went to get his own pacifier, and he would wait for Nick to spit his out, and then would spit his own out. He also hides under the covers with Nick, and piles his blankets on top of him. Yes, I am monitoring these activities!
I'm still headachy, despite taking medicine and a hot shower, so I'm going to see if maybe Nick will let me get some rest now.
I have a headache because I had no coffee this morning. I tried to take a nap this afternoon but Nick was having none of that. He is having a fussy time right now, but fussy for him isn't really all that fussy, I guess.
I have noticed that sometimes I feel like I'm fighting with Nick about nursing him. He wants to nurse almost constantly at times, and I know he's not really hungry. When I realize I'm resisting him, I do try to accept that he needs to nurse for some reason, but sometimes I want him to wait a little while because I am getting pretty sore!
I am really enjoying watching the relationship between Nick and Max unfold. It's going to be exciting when they are actually able to interact. Max was trying to play with Nick the other day. Nick spits his pacifier out, so Max went to get his own pacifier, and he would wait for Nick to spit his out, and then would spit his own out. He also hides under the covers with Nick, and piles his blankets on top of him. Yes, I am monitoring these activities!
I'm still headachy, despite taking medicine and a hot shower, so I'm going to see if maybe Nick will let me get some rest now.
Monday, July 16, 2012
Back in the swing of things
Well, I am in the process of revising and expanding my book, and I'm hoping to have it available in hard copy format as well in the next couple of months. I haven't had time to meditate daily, as everything is wrapped up in getting our household used to the new baby.
Son number one is enamored of Son number two now, after several weeks of perpetually holding his hands over his ears in anticipation of baby crying. He says, "Baby N. is made up of many small parts. He has a hole in his head, but you can't see it because it's covered with skin and fur."
Baby N. has just started smiling at me for real. He began last night at 2:45 when he woke me up for a feeding (and I fear also because there was a little roach crawling around in his swaddler--for some reason our nursery is attracting roaches and it's the most upsetting thing to me). Seeing him put off nursing for a little bit to smile at me was incredibly rewarding. I think I am devoting a huge amount of time to trying to get him to smile at me more, which probably isn't particularly mindful (perhaps I should be accepting of all his facial expressions), but having a measure of interaction is fantastic. We stick our tongues out at each other and make "little mouth" and then he'll coo and smile.
Baby N. is very low maintenance for a baby, aside from needing me constantly in his presence. He knows when I leave a room, even if he's in his crib.
I am getting geared up this month for novel writing next month. I have a book to release in November and it has a website associated with it and it's crucial to me to get this done as soon as possible. I feel like I have a lot on my plate but there is no reason I can't get it all done.
This week I have my follow up doctor visit to get my stitches checked and find out if everything is okay for me to resume a normal life (including sex and exercise). I always feel like I want to work out when I can't, and then when I can I don't want to. I'm going to work on getting past that. I have a post natal yoga dvd, and I might start T Tapp again. Also when it cools down a little I'll start up walking, which would be good for both the dog and me.
Son number one is enamored of Son number two now, after several weeks of perpetually holding his hands over his ears in anticipation of baby crying. He says, "Baby N. is made up of many small parts. He has a hole in his head, but you can't see it because it's covered with skin and fur."
Baby N. has just started smiling at me for real. He began last night at 2:45 when he woke me up for a feeding (and I fear also because there was a little roach crawling around in his swaddler--for some reason our nursery is attracting roaches and it's the most upsetting thing to me). Seeing him put off nursing for a little bit to smile at me was incredibly rewarding. I think I am devoting a huge amount of time to trying to get him to smile at me more, which probably isn't particularly mindful (perhaps I should be accepting of all his facial expressions), but having a measure of interaction is fantastic. We stick our tongues out at each other and make "little mouth" and then he'll coo and smile.
Baby N. is very low maintenance for a baby, aside from needing me constantly in his presence. He knows when I leave a room, even if he's in his crib.
I am getting geared up this month for novel writing next month. I have a book to release in November and it has a website associated with it and it's crucial to me to get this done as soon as possible. I feel like I have a lot on my plate but there is no reason I can't get it all done.
This week I have my follow up doctor visit to get my stitches checked and find out if everything is okay for me to resume a normal life (including sex and exercise). I always feel like I want to work out when I can't, and then when I can I don't want to. I'm going to work on getting past that. I have a post natal yoga dvd, and I might start T Tapp again. Also when it cools down a little I'll start up walking, which would be good for both the dog and me.
Tuesday, June 12, 2012
New Baby
I must admit, I haven't been particularly mindful as of late. I had false labor and went to the hospital on several occasions hoping it was baby time. I ended up making it to my induction date, and although I am pretty sure I was getting into early labor by that point, I did end up with a full induction. That was fine. It was successful, and I have a healthy baby boy, as expected!
Not everything has been easy and I haven't even been thinking about mindfulness much, but I did have some moments where I was accepting of things as they were. Here is my birth story for Baby Nick.
I stayed up all night on Thursday the 31st. I'd had an acupuncture appointment that day, and I was concerned I might go into labor early. Also, I was fairly nervous about my induction. I had some moments of panic when my mom didn't answer her phone at 4:30 when she'd asked me to call her, and I think I woke up everyone in her household, when it turned out she was already on her way to my house, or at least getting ready to go. She picked me up at 5 as planned, and we drove out to the hospital, and walked to labor and delivery.
Once in our assigned room, I got hooked up to the iv for fluids and antibiotics since I was positive for Group B Strep. I also signed all my paperwork and got all that taken care of, met some of the nurses, who change shifts at 7 a.m., and tried to relax. We also texted my husband to let him know what room we were in, and told him not to be in a huge hurry since the doctor hadn't even been in to see us yet. I think they also started me on pitocin. I think around 7:30 my doctor came and broke my water, and checked my cervix. I was finally at 4 cm which made her happy. She said not to wait until I was too uncomfortable to get my epidural because they would have to speed up my fluid intake and it would take about 45 minutes. I held out for awhile until I started getting somewhat uncomfortable, but none of it was like my labor with Max.
The epidural was relatively easy although I do get nervous and the numbing shot is painful. It worked quite well and I started dozing off. The doctor came in again in a little while and said I might have my baby by lunchtime, and she would come to the hospital whenever the nurses told her I was ready to start pushing. I could definitely feel pressure at some point and then it was time to start delivery. My husband arrived around 9:30 and hung out.
I guess I started the actual delivery around 11:30, and after a great deal of pushing (an hour and 20 minutes or so), and some drama at the end during which one of the nurses jumped up on the table and pushed down on my lower abdomen while my doctor rotated the baby to get him out, my son was born. They initially thought he'd fractured his clavicle, and I was quite calm during that, although concerned that he might be in pain. They wrapped him up in a blanket and let me hold him right away, and even let me nurse him a little bit before whisking him away to the nursery for his bath and stuff. I had to get stitched up thanks to yet another round of third degree tearing like I had with Max. This time I didn't feel a thing during my stitching up, although unfortunately my sister arrived during the stitching up and almost fainted. I am sorry she had to see all that. It was pretty bad from what the doctor described.
We found out later on in the day that Nick had not fractured his clavicle, just strained his arm or shoulder a bit during delivery due to awkward placement. Oh, and I had a sandwich in labor and delivery after Nick left to go to the nursery, and before I was sent to my hospital room. I had to get a catheter since I couldn't pee on my own, and then I was wheeled to my room. My dad and stepmother and Max were all there, as were my mom and my sister. My husband had stayed with me in labor and delivery.
At some point they wheeled in the baby from the nursery and everyone got to hold him. I kept him in the room with me for the most part, although during the night I did send him to the nursery a couple of times and they'd bring him in for feedings. He ended up having jaundice and had to stay an extra night in the hospital, but this time, unlike with Max, they had a place for us to stay so I could nurse him in the night, and they used a tube and syringe so I could supplement with formula while I nursed him, avoiding nipple confusion. He was cleared for going home on Monday. I somehow managed to put the infant car seat together with no buckles so my husband had to drive all the way back home and get a different car seat, and that was hugely inconvenient. We also had to get a bilibed to use at home because his bilirubin levels weren't going down quickly enough.
We spent the week taking Nick to the pediatrician's to have his levels checked, and on Thursday they were good enough that the doctor said we could take him off the table on Friday afternoon and not bring him back for level checking until Saturday. Nick lost a fair amount of weight despite the nursing, but on Saturday the doctor on call said his levels were good enough to stop table use, and we should spend the days until his 2 week check up to get his weight up.
The first week after birth was pretty difficult because of the bilibed, which limits holding and feeding time, and I was worried I might be getting post partum depression, but since he's been off the bed life has been much easier. I'm still pretty emotional but I think that is normal. I'm pretty much living in the now even if it's not really in a mindful way, just trying to get a nursing pattern established, enjoying my time reading, and working on getting time in with Max, which has been somewhat challenging since he is afraid of the baby crying. I think he's making some progress on that front but I'm not pressuring him into anything. He needs to figure it out on his own.
I will get back into meditating as I can, but right now it's as much as I can do to figure out when I can take a shower! I can barely go to the bathroom without Nick realizing I'm gone and fussing. I know this is a temporary thing and I am just going with the flow.
Not everything has been easy and I haven't even been thinking about mindfulness much, but I did have some moments where I was accepting of things as they were. Here is my birth story for Baby Nick.
I stayed up all night on Thursday the 31st. I'd had an acupuncture appointment that day, and I was concerned I might go into labor early. Also, I was fairly nervous about my induction. I had some moments of panic when my mom didn't answer her phone at 4:30 when she'd asked me to call her, and I think I woke up everyone in her household, when it turned out she was already on her way to my house, or at least getting ready to go. She picked me up at 5 as planned, and we drove out to the hospital, and walked to labor and delivery.
Once in our assigned room, I got hooked up to the iv for fluids and antibiotics since I was positive for Group B Strep. I also signed all my paperwork and got all that taken care of, met some of the nurses, who change shifts at 7 a.m., and tried to relax. We also texted my husband to let him know what room we were in, and told him not to be in a huge hurry since the doctor hadn't even been in to see us yet. I think they also started me on pitocin. I think around 7:30 my doctor came and broke my water, and checked my cervix. I was finally at 4 cm which made her happy. She said not to wait until I was too uncomfortable to get my epidural because they would have to speed up my fluid intake and it would take about 45 minutes. I held out for awhile until I started getting somewhat uncomfortable, but none of it was like my labor with Max.
The epidural was relatively easy although I do get nervous and the numbing shot is painful. It worked quite well and I started dozing off. The doctor came in again in a little while and said I might have my baby by lunchtime, and she would come to the hospital whenever the nurses told her I was ready to start pushing. I could definitely feel pressure at some point and then it was time to start delivery. My husband arrived around 9:30 and hung out.
I guess I started the actual delivery around 11:30, and after a great deal of pushing (an hour and 20 minutes or so), and some drama at the end during which one of the nurses jumped up on the table and pushed down on my lower abdomen while my doctor rotated the baby to get him out, my son was born. They initially thought he'd fractured his clavicle, and I was quite calm during that, although concerned that he might be in pain. They wrapped him up in a blanket and let me hold him right away, and even let me nurse him a little bit before whisking him away to the nursery for his bath and stuff. I had to get stitched up thanks to yet another round of third degree tearing like I had with Max. This time I didn't feel a thing during my stitching up, although unfortunately my sister arrived during the stitching up and almost fainted. I am sorry she had to see all that. It was pretty bad from what the doctor described.
We found out later on in the day that Nick had not fractured his clavicle, just strained his arm or shoulder a bit during delivery due to awkward placement. Oh, and I had a sandwich in labor and delivery after Nick left to go to the nursery, and before I was sent to my hospital room. I had to get a catheter since I couldn't pee on my own, and then I was wheeled to my room. My dad and stepmother and Max were all there, as were my mom and my sister. My husband had stayed with me in labor and delivery.
At some point they wheeled in the baby from the nursery and everyone got to hold him. I kept him in the room with me for the most part, although during the night I did send him to the nursery a couple of times and they'd bring him in for feedings. He ended up having jaundice and had to stay an extra night in the hospital, but this time, unlike with Max, they had a place for us to stay so I could nurse him in the night, and they used a tube and syringe so I could supplement with formula while I nursed him, avoiding nipple confusion. He was cleared for going home on Monday. I somehow managed to put the infant car seat together with no buckles so my husband had to drive all the way back home and get a different car seat, and that was hugely inconvenient. We also had to get a bilibed to use at home because his bilirubin levels weren't going down quickly enough.
We spent the week taking Nick to the pediatrician's to have his levels checked, and on Thursday they were good enough that the doctor said we could take him off the table on Friday afternoon and not bring him back for level checking until Saturday. Nick lost a fair amount of weight despite the nursing, but on Saturday the doctor on call said his levels were good enough to stop table use, and we should spend the days until his 2 week check up to get his weight up.
The first week after birth was pretty difficult because of the bilibed, which limits holding and feeding time, and I was worried I might be getting post partum depression, but since he's been off the bed life has been much easier. I'm still pretty emotional but I think that is normal. I'm pretty much living in the now even if it's not really in a mindful way, just trying to get a nursing pattern established, enjoying my time reading, and working on getting time in with Max, which has been somewhat challenging since he is afraid of the baby crying. I think he's making some progress on that front but I'm not pressuring him into anything. He needs to figure it out on his own.
I will get back into meditating as I can, but right now it's as much as I can do to figure out when I can take a shower! I can barely go to the bathroom without Nick realizing I'm gone and fussing. I know this is a temporary thing and I am just going with the flow.
Monday, May 7, 2012
Sunday was not a productive day for me. I am starting to get kind of panicky about things. I have a lot that needs to get done before the baby comes! And days like yesterday don't help. Nights like last night don't help either, as I woke up at 4:30 and that was it for me. I really only got about three hours of sleep last night, and then went back to sleep around 8 this morning and woke up around 9. My son was up at 4:30 as well, and I figured it wouldn't be a bad idea for him to sleep in some.
It is really nice out today, and would be a good painting day, but I think that is going to have to wait. I will open the door to the bedroom to let some of that nice air in here. However, I am really feeling like I need to rest some. I'm having lunch with my sister today.
I have other things to do today, like put something in the mail for my husband and pay the rent, and I probably need to go get applesauce since we are about out. I might use that as an excuse to pick up more chocolate milk, my current nectar of the gods.
It is really nice out today, and would be a good painting day, but I think that is going to have to wait. I will open the door to the bedroom to let some of that nice air in here. However, I am really feeling like I need to rest some. I'm having lunch with my sister today.
I have other things to do today, like put something in the mail for my husband and pay the rent, and I probably need to go get applesauce since we are about out. I might use that as an excuse to pick up more chocolate milk, my current nectar of the gods.
Saturday, May 5, 2012
Saturday is cooking...
Well, it has been a productive Saturday so far. I went to the store, although I forgot applesauce. I did remember the oh-so-important sandwich cookies as well as milk and ice cream.
When I got home I started on my ratatouille, which turned out well. I took a picture which I will post later. I also cooked the corn on the cob and cut it off the cob for my son to eat. Made iced tea. Later on I will make vegetable curry and pesto. Right now I think I'll take a rest, though! I also want to try to remember about the Kentucky Derby later on.
Right now I have a request to fix the cd for my son. He touches them and then they skip because of the sticky fingerprints!
When I got home I started on my ratatouille, which turned out well. I took a picture which I will post later. I also cooked the corn on the cob and cut it off the cob for my son to eat. Made iced tea. Later on I will make vegetable curry and pesto. Right now I think I'll take a rest, though! I also want to try to remember about the Kentucky Derby later on.
Right now I have a request to fix the cd for my son. He touches them and then they skip because of the sticky fingerprints!
Friday, May 4, 2012
Oh my! I didn't realize it has been a week already since my last post. My mom left yesterday morning to go to France for three weeks. I had a doctor's appointment on Wednesday. The baby is measuring a bit big (although I think maybe it's because I started drinking more water and my fluids haven't regulated yet), so I have to get an ultrasound next week.
I am feeling quite uncomfortable these days, and I have a lot to do! I have a lot of trouble sleeping at night, but I am not worrying about my insomnia. I know I'm just preparing for the lack of sleep I'll be getting for who knows how long! I still do not think I'll be pregnant for five more weeks, but I am going to take as much advantage of the time I have left to get the nursery set up and the house cleaned up. Rather a daunting thought, but it needs to be done.
Today I'm going to make ratatouille and possibly try to come up with something creative to do with the beets and cauliflower I got from the co-op this week. I think it would be a good idea to make a few things that freeze well so I have them on hand for the first few weeks of new baby!
I am feeling quite uncomfortable these days, and I have a lot to do! I have a lot of trouble sleeping at night, but I am not worrying about my insomnia. I know I'm just preparing for the lack of sleep I'll be getting for who knows how long! I still do not think I'll be pregnant for five more weeks, but I am going to take as much advantage of the time I have left to get the nursery set up and the house cleaned up. Rather a daunting thought, but it needs to be done.
Today I'm going to make ratatouille and possibly try to come up with something creative to do with the beets and cauliflower I got from the co-op this week. I think it would be a good idea to make a few things that freeze well so I have them on hand for the first few weeks of new baby!
Friday, April 27, 2012
Acupuncture on Thursday; mindfulness and children
I have been having a lot of trouble sleeping lately. I know some of this is related to being pregnant, and some of it is related to my ridiculous heartburn. However, it's definitely making me feel quite off. It's like I have restless leg syndrome in my arms.
Anyway, I had acupuncture yesterday, and I started feeling like that while I was on the table. It is quite difficult to deal with because it's not like you can really get up and move around a lot while you have needles in you. I really tried to just accept my discomfort. It wasn't easy, but I made an effort.
My other exercise in mindfulness occurred later on in the day. I went into my son's bedroom to see what he was up to. He's four, and really a remarkably well-behaved kid. Anyway, I opened the door and was appalled to see him standing next to his bed, completely naked and covered in paint. He had, for some reason, decided to paint his engines (he loves Thomas the Tank Engine), his sheets, the floor, the wall, the bed, and himself. Although I was angry, I did try really hard to approach the situation from a mindful perspective. I cannot say that I was entirely successful, but I did decide that this situation was one that would most certainly be funny after the fact. I do think that, although I was really mad, I didn't get as angry at him as I might have in the past. I am sure that it helped that it was easy clean-up paint, so nothing was destroyed, but it was a lot of work for me, as tired as I was.
Anyway, I had acupuncture yesterday, and I started feeling like that while I was on the table. It is quite difficult to deal with because it's not like you can really get up and move around a lot while you have needles in you. I really tried to just accept my discomfort. It wasn't easy, but I made an effort.
My other exercise in mindfulness occurred later on in the day. I went into my son's bedroom to see what he was up to. He's four, and really a remarkably well-behaved kid. Anyway, I opened the door and was appalled to see him standing next to his bed, completely naked and covered in paint. He had, for some reason, decided to paint his engines (he loves Thomas the Tank Engine), his sheets, the floor, the wall, the bed, and himself. Although I was angry, I did try really hard to approach the situation from a mindful perspective. I cannot say that I was entirely successful, but I did decide that this situation was one that would most certainly be funny after the fact. I do think that, although I was really mad, I didn't get as angry at him as I might have in the past. I am sure that it helped that it was easy clean-up paint, so nothing was destroyed, but it was a lot of work for me, as tired as I was.
Monday, April 23, 2012
Welcome!
Hi there, I suppose since my book is up now I should start posting! Welcome to any readers. I plan to be posting about my mindfulness journey in here, so I'll write about my attitudinal soil, take photos of the recipes I made in the book, and other fun stuff. I'm also in the last 7 weeks of my pregnancy so I might talk about that some in here as well.
Please feel free to ask me any questions or share anything you would like about your own mindfulness practice!
Carrollee
Please feel free to ask me any questions or share anything you would like about your own mindfulness practice!
Carrollee
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