Daily attitude: Patience

Today I spent less time online, I think, and I got a lot done. I think I did pretty well with patience, as well.  Nick was a lot less complainy tonight, and he's in his crib right now.  He may or may not go to sleep, but he's been a lot easier to deal with than yesterday.
Our power went out for a little while, and that makes me impatient but I didn't get upset about it and it came back on sooner than I was expecting.
I cleaned out my car today but I didn't do any actually cleaning of it.  I vacuumed it out some, but the little hand-held vac doesn't cut it, and then there is soda on the ceiling from where a can exploded, and the windows need to be washed on the inside, and I'd like to do some fabric spot cleaning as well, but it looks a lot better than it did and I'm glad I finally cleaned it out.
My back is kind of sore now, but I'll be doing my yoga soon.  I have to take advantage of time that I have when Nick lets me get it in, even if he wakes up before I'm completely finished.  At least I am getting some of it done!
I made a bracelet tonight, and I found the other curtain tie-back hook thingy so that is good.  I wish I knew where the other black velvet curtain was, and then I could work on them.  Well, I'm sure it will turn up.  My mom rearranged my office and it looks great, and I'll actually be able to sew and write and draw and craft in there.
Tomorrow is grocery day.  I am going to make a list and I'm also going to see what there is in the freezer to use up so I can not spend quite so much money on food.

Daily attitude: Non-judging

Oh dear, I suppose I am judging myself now to say that I have been kind of judgy today.  It is all petty Facebook high-school type stuff.  I haven't been overly hard on myself, just not particularly accepting of other people.  However, I don't know if I'd really say it's judging in the mindfulness sense.  Also, I know I'm not perfect and sometimes I do have trouble letting go of things.  Also I'm experiencing some trust issues with the people involved in this.  I know I sound very cryptic but I don't really think I want this blog to be a place where I talk about this kind of stuff.

I am trying to figure out what some advice I was given means.  It was from a spiritual advisor type, and it made sense in a way but I don't really know how to process the information.  It was indicating that some of the kinks in my road to success have to do with anger, but it doesn't really look like anger from the outside.  I do kind of feel angry, and I don't know if it's an entitled kind of angry, or justified anger. And am I angry at myself or at others?  Is it an impotent anger, or anger that can kindle productivity?  I hope the latter.  I do feel like I'm becoming more productive, but I am still not feeling completely settled within myself.  I kind of feel tied up in knots and I don't really think that is super helpful.

Good things for today: I lost another half pound, which puts my total at 3 pounds since I started being conscious about wanting to get in better shape and doing yoga.  I put a bookcase together for the nursery, and did laundry.  I laughed pretty much, and had lunch with my mom and sister.

Okay, I am incredibly thirsty so I think it's time to get some water.  I'm also going to do my yoga and then go to bed.  Nick is asleep in his crib, after fighting sleep for a long time.  I guess that shows that babies aren't really very mindful, since Nick just refuses to let go and go to sleep!

Well the doctor said Baby Nick is perfect.  He is very healthy and gained weight and grew a couple of inches.  He had his shots and is wide awake!  He should be sleeping but he will not go to sleep, which is mildly exasperating but I know he is not doing it on purpose.  I will try to feed him and hope he falls asleep then.  Right now he is in his crib and is cooing and occasionally yawning, but he will not go to sleep.
At least he has not run a fever at all today.  He did not like it when I took his bandaids off but after a round of singing "Winnie the Pooh" he was all right.
I am tired, which is the only reason I care that he is not sleeping.  I would like to go to bed but clearly that is not an option with a wide awake infant!

I think it's a trend...Baby Nick is sleeping on my shoulder yet again.
I am going to be boiling peanuts tomorrow, and I made my veggies from the share tonight.  I still have a lot of fruit that needs attention but I'm going to make some jam and possibly some cobbler as well.
Tomorrow we're taking things to Goodwill.
I'm working on drinking more water but it isn't easy.  I'm making some progress, however.  And I did lose a pound so I suppose that was my reward.
On Friday Nick goes to the doctor for his two month checkup.  And Max will be going on his field trip, which he missed today because no one checked him in when he got to school and therefore they didn't put him on the bus when it was time to go.
I think that starting next week I'm going to focus on one attitude each day and then maybe I will write about it.  I feel like my mindfulness is getting away from me because I'm so busy just functioning on a day-to-day basis.

Today could be a heavy eating day, which isn't the greatest thing ever but I will manage.  My sister wants to have lunch and we might go out to eat tonight as well.  I'm going to be meeting with someone about my website for my novel (I hope!) and then I'm also hoping that my cousin will get to meet Baby Nick.
It is 100 days until Halloween, which is a good day to start new things for me.  I like to start things on my birthday and around Halloween milestones.
I think I will start putting up new products on Etsy.  I would like to have some good Halloweenie products for sale, and I have so many good ideas for that.
I am still working on book revisions, and I'm doing my yoga.  I'm doing a different one at the moment so I don't get frustrated by my lack of flexibility.   Also I'm trying to incorporate some meditation into my day, and the one yoga thing I'm doing has a meditation section in it already so that helps.  Once I get baby Nick onto a schedule I'll be able to do my own seated meditation but that may take some time. He is so in the now for himself.  Right now he is sleeping on my shoulder but if I put him down he will wake up, I'm sure.

Yesterday we had a little party at my mom's for Nick.  It was a lot of fun.  We also went to World Market earlier to get stuff.
I started doing my post partum yoga workout, which is good although hard.  I think it will give me something to work towards, because I am not very flexible.  However, I'm just going to do it every other day and do a different yoga workout on alternate days so I don't get discouraged.  I like the intention at the beginning of the workout, and the pace is nice, but I don't see very many women being able to complete this workout six weeks post partum.
Max has had lot of fun with his Nana today.  He may spend the night there tonight but if he doesn't, that's okay.
Nick is continuing with his constantly wanting to be held.  I hear that I have another week of this, but it's difficult to be completely patient when I rarely have two arms to myself.  He does well at night, but during the day it's another story.  I love him dearly but I would like it if he were happy being put down for periods of time longer than two minutes.

I got the all clear from my doctor so tomorrow I'll be starting my postnatal yoga.  I like to start things on the nineteenth of months, since it is always 'x months until my birthday.'  So I'll be four months until my birthday, and I'd like to see what I can accomplish in that time.  No pressure or anything, I just want to see what I can do if I focus.
I have a headache because I had no coffee this morning.  I tried to take a nap this afternoon but Nick was having none of that.  He is having a fussy time right now, but fussy for him isn't really all that fussy, I guess.
I have noticed that sometimes I feel like I'm fighting with Nick about nursing him.  He wants to nurse almost constantly at times, and I know he's not really hungry.  When I realize I'm resisting him, I do try to accept that he needs to nurse for some reason, but sometimes I want him to wait a little while because I am getting pretty sore!
I am really enjoying watching the relationship between Nick and Max unfold.  It's going to be exciting when they are actually able to interact.  Max was trying to play with Nick the other day.  Nick spits his pacifier out, so Max went to get his own pacifier, and he would wait for Nick to spit his out, and then would spit his own out.  He also hides under the covers with Nick, and piles his blankets on top of him.  Yes, I am monitoring these activities!
I'm still headachy, despite taking medicine and a hot shower, so I'm going to see if maybe Nick will let me get some rest now.

Back in the swing of things

Well, I am in the process of revising and expanding my book, and I'm hoping to have it available in hard copy format as well in the next couple of months.  I haven't had time to meditate daily, as everything is wrapped up in getting our household used to the new baby.
Son number one is enamored of Son number two now, after several weeks of perpetually holding his hands over his ears in anticipation of baby crying.  He says, "Baby N. is made up of many small parts.  He has a hole in his head, but you can't see it because it's covered with skin and fur."
Baby N. has just started smiling at me for real.  He began last night at 2:45 when he woke me up for a feeding (and I fear also because there was a little roach crawling around in his swaddler--for some reason our nursery is attracting roaches and it's the most upsetting thing to me).  Seeing him put off nursing for a little bit to smile at me was incredibly rewarding.  I think I am devoting a huge amount of time to trying to get him to smile at me more, which probably isn't particularly mindful (perhaps I should be accepting of all his facial expressions), but having a measure of interaction is fantastic.  We stick our tongues out at each other and make "little mouth" and then he'll coo and smile.
Baby N. is very low maintenance for a baby, aside from needing me constantly in his presence.  He knows when I leave a room, even if he's in his crib.
I am getting geared up this month for novel writing next month.  I have a book to release in November and it has a website associated with it and it's crucial to me to get this done as soon as possible.  I feel like I have a lot on my plate but there is no reason I can't get it all done.
This week I have my follow up doctor visit to get my stitches checked and find out if everything is okay for me to resume a normal life (including sex and exercise).  I always feel like I want to work out when I can't, and then when I can I don't want to.  I'm going to work on getting past that.  I have a post natal yoga dvd, and I might start T Tapp again.  Also when it cools down a little I'll start up walking, which would be good for both the dog and me.