Non-judging

I had a migraine last night and woke up all wooly-headed, which is pretty much how I felt for the whole day.  I did manage to get a nap, and write, and post my spiders on Etsy, and also finish two spiders and start on a third.
Baby Nick has been a sleep machine.  I hope he doesn't wake up at 4 a.m. ready to start the day, but it's possible.

I'm not sure what to say about the daily attitude.  I keep forgetting to look at it in the morning and think about it throughout the day.  I will try to remember to do that in the morning.  I am sure that I'll be able to think of some non-judging things that I've done today.  I think that I'm working on this with Max.  He may not pick up his toys the way I would do it, but that's okay.

Oh, that can be my non-judging story of the day:
This morning Max was eating his O's in the car and he spilled the cup of them in the backseat.  I heard him say, "Hey!  I spilled all of my O's!" and I told him I couldn't clean them up because I was driving.  He said he would do it himself, and while he was trying to pick them up, a couple of them went under his car seat, and he said, "It's okay."  This is real progress in his own non-judging because I think even a few weeks ago having his O's go under his car seat would have been horrible.

I am wishing I could find time to meditate each day, in the mornings.  I liked doing my seated meditation.  However, I don't want to fall into the trap of saying that since I can't have things perfect, I'm not going to do them at all.

I think I need some more mindfulness practice in my life at the moment, although I am working on things while interacting with Max and Nick.  Trust and Patience are the themes of the week, I believe.

It is finally nice here, sunny and actually cool this morning!  It will heat up later on but it was nice to open the door and have it feel like fall.  I hope we get some nice fall and winter weather this year.  Last year we didn't really have winter at all.

I have a lot of things to accomplish this weekend, but I'm going to try to take it one step at a time and not get overwhelmed.

Daily Attitude: Trust

Well, I am not going to go back to update for past days.
I am feeling a lack of trust in myself these days.  At some level I trust that I know enough that I will do the right thing and that everything will turn out okay in the end, but sometimes I do not trust that I have made the right life choices.  I suppose it's a bit late for that!

Most of the time I trust that I am a good mother.  Most of the time I trust that I am a good writer.  And that I'm talented in art.

Right now I'm falling behind on my crafting.  I have good ideas but seem to be floundering on getting started on some of them.  I would like to make little dolls and also crackers.  I want to order the snaps for them but I think it will be okay to wait until next month to do that.  Or if I sold something, it would be all right to order crackers.  I don't really want to spend more money when I don't have any coming in.

I need to make lasagna but probably not tonight.  I'll have to do it tomorrow though since I don't want the meat to spoil.  It's going to be good and I hope that Max will eat some of it!  He hasn't been eating a very well rounded diet these days.

It is my dad's birthday today.  On Sunday he and my stepmother are coming for brunch.

Daily Attitude: Non-Judging

I struggle with non-judging.  It is easy for me to negatively judge myself.  Or positively judge myself, for that matter.  I don't tend to be neutral.

Today I accomplished a number of things.  I baked strawberry chocolate chip bread.  I thought I had some fresh strawberries but apparently not, so I had to use frozen. The bread is very good but it tastes a lot more like Entemann's chocolate chip bread than what I was expecting.  It really has no strawberry flavor whatsoever.
I also made pasta salad.  That is easy and I will eat it for lunch and whatever meal until it's gone.
I would like to bake real bread tomorrow but I'm not sure if I will or not.  I will have to find the time.

I felt like I got more done today with both kids at home than I do when Max is at school, but I'm not sure why that would be.

I also gave Nick his first bath.  He didn't seem very sure about it.  He didn't hate it but he didn't love it either.  He is still kind of small to fit in the baby tub I think.  I took pictures and a bit of video.
Right now he's sleeping in the crib but he woke up a few minutes ago.  I think that means it's time for me to turn out the light and go to sleep so that maybe he'll sleep better.

There is a roach in here.  I have sprinkled cedar and peppermint oils all over the bed in hopes that the roach will keep away.  It is one of those smaller red wood roaches, not a Palmetto bug.  I still do not want it crawling around on me.  And I am so tired that I keep seeing bugs out of the corner of my eye.  I think that is another indication that I need to turn out the light and go to sleep!

Daily Attitude for Sunday: Letting Go

Well, I'm not sure what to say about Sunday.  I did some stuff I'd wanted to do, and I slept a lot because Nick and Max kept waking me up overnight.  It seemed like every time I'd get to sleep one of them would wake me up.
I'm working on having Nick sleep in the crib.  I suppose that is letting go in a way, since he's been sleeping next to me on the futon.  I'm trying to have no expectations so I can be pleasantly surprised when he sleeps for long periods of time.  It was so nice, though, when I actually got 6 hours of sleep in one stretch!
I have nothing else to say about Sunday.

Daily Attitude: Acceptance

Hmm, what to say about acceptance?  I have been accepting my tiredness and my lack of motivation today.  I am feeling uninspired.  However, I have gotten some stuff done so that's good.

My friend came over with her two sons and husband.  The visit went very well.  We accepted that Max was not going to want to share his wooden railway trains with her son, so we got out the Take and Play set for him.

Nick slept a lot today but not too much, I don't think.  We had a lot of fun listening to the lullaby renditions of The Cure and Nine Inch Nails, as well as some regular NIN.  He cooed and smiled and I took a ton of photos of him.  Max is great with him in small doses.  That is good enough for me right now.

Max and I are reading chapter books at night.  We started the My Father's Dragon trilogy tonight, which Max's aunt gave him awhile ago.  Max wanted to know how many chapters there were.  The other books we have read, Mrs. Piggle Wiggle and Uncle Wiggily, have self-contained chapters, whereas this book is ongoing so we'll see what Max thinks.

Okay, although I took a nap today I think I'm kind of tired so maybe I'll try to go to sleep soon.

Daily Attitude for Friday: Non-Striving

Well, I seem to have succeeded at non-striving, since I didn't even manage to get my entry posted on time! :P
I had a nice Friday, and had dinner with friends which was nice.  We went to my favorite barbecue place, and I had one of those coupon thingies from LivingSocial so my oldest friend at for free.  Nick was a total charmer as usual.  Lots of people asked about him.  I mean, all babies are cute but Nick is really really cute.
He's sleeping in his crib at the moment but we'll see how that goes.  Last night he slept for 7 hours, and didn't eat for at least 8.  Then after the 7 he slept for another 3.  That is why I'm trying him in his crib.
I don't know what to say for non-striving.  I feel like it would be better for me to look at the attitude in the morning so I can keep an eye out for it throughout the day.  Maybe I will try that for Sunday.

Daily Attitude: Trust

Okay, I'm close enough to Thursday that I don't feel like I need to put "for Thursday" in the title.  I also decided not to procrastinate and wait to update since I am still awake now and I might as well post.

I have issues with trust.  I do not trust people online unless I know them fairly well.  I do not feel like I'm out of line with not trusting people.  I am usually nice to everyone, regardless of how well I trust them.

I also have issues with trusting myself, also justified I think.  I have let myself down enough that I have trouble trusting myself.  I am working on it, however, since if I do not trust myself I think it's inevitable that I won't be able to succeed since I won't trust myself to succeed.

I do usually have faith that things are going to work out in the end.  I don't know why I have this expectation, but I do.  So far I've been right, sort of.  Even if things don't seem good at the time, usually things get better enough that I can see that it will be okay.

I suppose that is enough like "Things will be okay in the end.  If they're not okay, it's not the end."

Okay, I am tired enough that I am seeing bugs so I think I'd better call it a night.  (When I'm tired, I often think I see bugs or things moving in my peripheral vision.)

Daily Attitude for Wednesday: Beginner's Mind

I am a bit behind on my posts.  Perhaps it is too ambitious to be trying to post every day, but I would like to.  I will make up my post for today tomorrow and then I hope to be back on track.

Yesterday I made a few things for dinner that I hadn't made before.  Perhaps that counts for Beginner's Mind.  I made creamed spinach and creamed diced potatoes.  Also parmesan-crusted fish.  It wasn't very crusted but it tasted good.  The spinach and potatoes were good as well.  We also had that peaches and cream Stilton from Trader Joe's, and that was excellent.  Also red wine.

Still dealing with drama on Facebook.  I hope it's over with now.  I do not like feeling like somehow I am in the wrong for things.  I do not post anything on Facebook except little stories about my kids, photos of the baby, and occasionally I will repost funny things, like right now I have a thing up where you replace one word in a movie title with "Bacon."  That has given me endless amusement.

Sometimes I crack myself up.  The Bacon thing is amusing, and then elsewhere someone posted an ad with Joan Crawford in it, and she's holding a little stuffed animal dog, so I commented, "no wire haired terriers EVER!" which was funny to me, particularly because the dog she's holding looks like a wire hair.  Anyway, it's silly in translation but maybe one day I will want to remind myself of something I thought was funny.

Daily Attitude for Tuesday: Patience

Apparently I am so patient I patiented myself into forgetting to update.
I have been dealing with some ridiculous online drama but I am hoping it is resolved.

Most of my other patience has been directed towards myself, and being patient with  my lack of getting things done when I want them done, and of course my kids.  However, both of them have been pretty good and not requiring a great deal of patience on my part.

I am, alas, impatient with my ice maker.  It doesn't want to work right and automatically shuts itself off after each tray of ice it makes.  I do not like this.  I do not want to wait for it to work properly so I think I messed it up by pouring warm water over it to try to get it to move.  I think the turny thing was frozen stuck and I needed to loosen it up.  Now I think something else is wrong but at least it isn't flooding the freezer and fridge like it did one early morning a couple of weeks ago.

Later on when it's a reasonable hour I will post Wednesday's Daily Attitude, Beginner's Mind.

Daily Attitude: Non-Judging

I suppose it's good to start the week out non-judging, after excesses of the weekend, and also with an attempt to not judge Mondays, which everyone seems to hate.  I don't really have a problem with Mondays but then, I'm not working outside of the home very much so it isn't surprising.
I had a lot of trouble going to sleep last night, and woke up on the late side.
I took a nap this afternoon during our thunderstorm.  I am not sure how long I slept.  The afternoon seemed to get away from me somehow but that is okay.
Nick and Max have both been great today.  Nick is a lot more vocal these days, although I'm not really sure what he's saying.  He certainly isn't interested in letting go, however.  He fights falling asleep like no baby I've seen.
I think I need to re-evaluate my schedule.  I would like to vacuum on Mondays but that doesn't seem to be happening.  I like the idea of starting the week off with a nice clean house, so I suppose I could do all the cleaning stuff on Sunday.
I have a lot to do this week, but that is not unlike all weeks.  I feel like keeping busy is good for me.  I am not exactly where I want to be, but I am doing the best I can.

Daily Attitude: Letting Go

My daily attitude wasn't much on my mind today.  I haven't been frustrated with anything.  Right now I have a headache, but I've taken something for it.  I suppose I can work on letting go about being disappointed about not getting everything done on my list, although I still have time to work on things.
I am going to work on letting go of some negative feelings I have towards some people who are no longer in my life, at least not on a daily basis, and I can also work on letting go of worrying about money and not having a clean house and not pumping, which are all things that are on my mind.  I am working on the money thing, and the clean house and pumping will come in time.
The house is loads better than it has been at some points, and the rest of it will get there.  I'm not in the greatest mood at the moment, mostly because of this headache.  But I can still be grateful for my two boys, who have both been very good today.  I'm so happy to have given birth to them and to have them in my lives!

Daily Attitude: Acceptance

I've done pretty well with acceptance today.  I haven't gotten all of the things done that I might have liked to, but that's okay.  I will do some of them tomorrow.  Other things may have to wait, but I've had a good and productive day.  Now I'm exhausted and I'm going to get Nick all bundled up for bed, and then have a glass of wine and some ice cream.

Daily Attitude: Non-striving

Non-striving is a tricky attitude for me.  I guess I was non-striving in the sense that although I have a list  of things that I want to accomplish each day, I trusted that they would get done, and although there have been some obstacles, I have managed to do most of them.  Although poor Nick has been quite fussy this afternoon and that has been hindering me from some of the things I need to do.  But if he will go to sleep I'll be able to do them.  If he doesn't go to sleep, well, they will go on tomorrow's list.
I am not going to beat myself up if I have to put some things off until tomorrow.  I have accomplished a lot, and I'm proud of myself for that.
I'm enjoying doing these daily attitudes, and I think I'll keep it up.
In the meantime, I think Max is ready to go to bed so I will be reading to him.  I think Nick is asleep but I am afraid to look because if I move him he's going to wake up, and he's face down lying across me.

Daily Attitude: Trust

I like to read my horoscope.  Yesterday's horoscope was advising me to be distrustful of others.  Today was telling me to start projects and trust that I'd be able to see them through to completion.  I do have trouble with that.  I tend to start lots of things and not  finish them up.  That makes me unhappy.  I'm feeling okay about things today.  I've been working on my Camp Nano project (which is actually a continuation of a novel I've already started, but I'm writing 50,000 more words on it).  I've also been continuing with my 100 Days of Halloween listings on Etsy (please send me an email if you want a link to my shop!)
Right now I'm in the master bedroom, listening to the baby's womb sounds bear.  He's asleep in the crib and I want to see if it's easier for him to sleep if I'm not in the room with him.  I am not sure if I'll sleep in here or in the nursery, though.  It's so much easier to just have to walk from the futon to his crib when he wakes up.   Well, whatever I decide, I trust myself enough to know it will be the right choice. :)

Daily Attitude: Beginner's Mind

Oh, Beginner's Mind...I am working on several  things that are new to me, like designing a website.  I have no idea how to get it to look right.  I'm going to get help from someone I think.
I also made a lemon meringue pie today, and it was more like lemon meringue soup!  The meringue turned out perfectly but my lemon curd base melted in the oven and was something of a fiasco even though I thought I had followed the instructions.  Oh well.
I'm also working on getting Nick to sleep in his crib, but tonight we're not doing that because he wakes up too frequently and I want to get some rest!
I'm very sleepy and have a bit more writing to do.  I'll be back with tomorrow's attitude tomorrow!